Playing with Obsession

Obscure it Obliterate it, tried every thing, even tried Obsecrating. Tried all, but can't get away from you my Angel, Obdurate, well that I have tried a lot, but that you have never allowed me to go that way.

PS: The new chartbuster has the following lines
Shukran allah, walhamdulillah..
For all those who donot know what that exactly mean, it means Thanks(Shukran) Allah, and(wa) the (alhamd) praises are all for you (Allah)

Friday again

The past two fridays have been different, as I have wanted it to come, so that I can spend some time at Home as my thursdays have been somewhat out of the scheduled.
But this time I am back to my old self when i am despising as the day is coming to an end. It is the time when I want to have a last look at my good friends of office.
Today morning, that face kept coming back reminding me that me too must have hurt some people in the same manner and would have wanted to fight me but haven't found me even to vent their anger.
Have been trying to abdicate this thought of mine, trying to get away from eyes. I know that I will again get to forget this fear very soon, may be just tomorrow. But I always thought that these eyes doesn't want to see me worried about them. But, how do I get over that compulsiveness I have about you. At times, the heart says lets go away, lets take refuge in some other things and many a times we have been successful in getting away from these thoughts. Some part of the heart even got satisfied that we are over that. Everything is the way you said it should be, the normal way.
But then a wednesday/thursday comes, bringing back those eyes again, bringing all those thoughts and care for them again. This Sunday, we thought that finally we have come to placate ourselves with your absence and this heart has got inured of your injuries. But once I see those painful eyes again, the pain again catches me from my forelocks and plunges me into those thoughts again. All the hard work of the past two weeks go into a tizzy and am back to my friday ways again.

Solace

हम ही नहीं तनहा तल्हा,
ये तो अब हाले-ज़माना हो गया है
सभी सुनाते हैं दर्दे दिल हमें
अपना दर्द तो अब हल्का हो गया है

Was looking into the previous one year's writing. I can see that I have some sort of opinionated view for everything from parties to terrorism to world issues of poverty to global warming.
But my last few writings have been gloomy and full of complains and sort of searching for some solace .

Walking aways

How does it feel like being important in somebody's scheme of things ? Great, thats the first expression comes on hearing this. But when you get to know that your importance was confined to show somebody else how unimportant he/she was.
To be used as a tool to accomplish with no existence of your own and no regards to your feelings. To think it this way, you are bound to feel saddened, as every body wants to have his own importance in people's life.
So whats the way out, we turn the scenario upside down!!

To kill a mocking thought

Have heard a lot about this book " To kill a mocking bird", have seen it with najs and baba long back, even tried it once but put it down after just a few pages. But this time around i pulled up my sleeves and told myself to finish this backlogged topic. And wow, I am happy that I read it finally.

Many a memories of my childhood got rekindled in those pages, specially the last few where the protagonist went to the Halloween function.
I remember my 8th standard, when my school has decided to have our annual day celebrated in Lajpat Bhavan(a big audi in Knp) and I was part of a play and a dance show. But i was a bit unhappy because my father was posted out of kanpur and hence nobody from the family could come. I was trying to be joyous but when everybody used to say that they will go back with their family, I was upset big time. I remember after the activities got over, I was just waiting for the people to leave so that I can take the school bus back home(it was late night), there came my sister in the green room exclaiming about my performance and then came Mom and woila my Dad was also there, I was overjoyed... Now I also can tell everybody in my class that my father too came and I was to go back with them. Then that walk from the auditorium to the main road, with moti jheel on one side, where my aunt told me jokingly that I was found in a lotus flower, is still one of the most recalled and memorable walk I have even taken with my father, and although I dont remember what were we discussing, but i am sure, he must have urged me improve my best.
Another thing that this book brought back were the experiments I uesd to do my younger brother and used to have big fights him on every occasion and how I once hit him with bat and opened up his head :P and me falling unconscious after breaking down the tree's branch. Those fantasies where I was falling down from my fighter Jet.
And the fear of the Dog living the lonely house across the road who used to bark the whole night and we daring to get our playing ball back from that ghostly house after breaking into it :P

Kahiin Toh.. Kabhi Toh

There are times, when you are given opportunity to achieve what you have always wanted. You are supposed to grab it with both hands. The world calls that person a loser, or a fool at the least,  who lets that chance go away.

Even, I have been given that, many a times over and over. I have recognized that, but I let them slip away, the reason, i wanted it to happen on its own, by virtue of choice, not part of a moment's weakness. Getting success on the basis of opportunity looks smart, but for whom should I be smarter. I want them to make decisions with their full might, so that the next day everybody have no qualms, or the situation to put the blame on. 

There is some lines of my father that has always been with me, " ponder heavily on your future acts and once you have made a decision, its your responsibility to respect that. In the end, if you yourself do not respect your decision, who else will." And, in this world, the most precious thing for somebody is respect.

Kuchh khwahishat

When we were friends, when we started our fun, we didn't know anything about each other, except that we loved having fun, we loved ice-creams and that we both had some dreams we knew that we will achieve. When I asked you to go out and you without hesitating said yes.
'cause we were getting to be friends, or were we friends already. We shared our dreams or was I only doing the talking, not even letting you say anything. Was it just me taking all the steps and dragging you around.
But whenever it rains, why does that reminds me of you, where I sense and smell the same smell of soil, reminding me of all the good events of life. Why do I want to stay immersed in my prayers, as if then I feel myself closest to you then.
The senses say that you are not be aware of this but the heart does know that you are.
You may sound casual, and want me to get back to being "normal", but will I ever be one or was I ever was.
Maybe thats the biggest test I have ever faced or maybe some more are there for me to face.
May the blessings of elders and your best wishes remain with me, I will face them aal with the braveheart.